P3T P33V3S

Until recently, I could never really identify any of my pet peeves. I consider myself fairly easy going, as I have enough bad habits that I do not really have a right to call others on theirs. However, over the past year or so I have developed a real aversion to contractions. A contraction is a grammatical term when letters within one or two words are replaced with an apostrophe. For example, instead of “let us”, it would be “let’s. Or “we are” becomes “we’re”. I find this to be lazy English, and my dislike of it has grown to the point where I am becoming increasingly careful of using contractions even when I speak.

But this is really just my small tic in comparison the horror that is lolspeak. For those not in the know, here is an example of lolspeak (courtesy of http://speaklolcat.com/):

C4N U BL33V DAT DIS AR T3H AKSHULLY F0RM 0V C0NVERSASHUN? I FIND DAT T3H M0M3NT T3H LIN3Z B3COM3 2 L0NG MAH 3Y3Z GLAZ3 0VAR AN I CAN F33LZ MAH M3NTAL FACULTI3Z SLIPPIN AWAY FRUM M3…

Or how about this? Wikipedia is currently in the process of translating the Bible into lolspeak. Here it is, the word according to kitteh(http://www.lolcatbible.com):

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

This mutation of the English language really upsets me. It pains me to think that there are children out there who will only ever know how to write that way. This is an insult to Shakespeare, Frost, Robert Service, Lewis, Twain and scores of literary geniuses across time. Every time I come across a comments section on the web, there is (however insignificant) someone using lolspeak. This will not do! Please, ask yourself if this is really the next evolutionary phase of English.

Well, until next time, I leave you with a poem(http://joebrainardspajamas.blogspot.com/2011/02/sonnet-in-lolspeak.html):

Dey sez we kittehs iz not gud wif speach,
Dat we spellz bad, dun yuse teh grammerz well,
An even sumtiems dey get madz and yell
Dat we shud tawk liek normulz, tryna preech
Dere “propur” ingleesh in dere kommentz on
Teh YooToobs and such playses on teh net
Cuz dey (tho we did nothinz) wanna get
Us off teh webz. Dey’s mean an want us gawn.
But kittehs dun so eesly get deterrd,
O noes, an so dey griypes and griypes and griypes
But stilz we stays and stilz we can has tipez,
An tipez in lolspeek, yoosinz ar weerd wurds.
So tho dey will complayns, try as dey mey
We iz not leevinz, we iz heer to stay.

Z.

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