Turn the Page

How many people get to know the exact day their lives are going to change forever? For some, it is a wedding day, or moving to a new city. For me, the big day happens on April 1st. All joking aside, I will be attempting to start my first career.

My father has been running a newspaper my whole life,Canadian Access to Firearms.Created and run by only my father every month, he took it from a 2 page newsletter to a 72 page paper that reaches thousands of firearms owners across Canada. For the last few months, he and I have been discussing his retirement. My dad thought of selling, and attempted to train a friend to learn about the business. However that did not pan out and eventually I approached him. Much to my surprise, he agreed! And on the first day of April, I will become publisher-in-training!!!

This is the biggest change of my life so far, and by far such an opportunity. I have worked nothing but odd jobs for the last ten years, working paycheck to paycheck without ever really focusing on becoming something. Now I have the chance to make something more of my life than just a paycheck. My father has watched me throughout the years, and honestly for the last several years I was not the type of person who could manage my personal life, never mind a business. That I think is the greatest reward for me – knowing that my father can see the changes I have been feeling inside, and that I am actually accomplishing something that makes a visible difference.

 

I am afraid though. Afraid that I am not mature enough yet to do this. My dad and I get along far better than we ever did, but I am still a headstrong, stubborn and selfish child in so many ways. This job is really going to force me to become more than that, and I am afraid that I am not strong enough to push through my own faults. Some days I feel like I could handle anything, and the world is mine for the choosing, that I can accomplish any task I set my mind to. But so many days I am terrified in the corner, scared to step forward and fail. My friends all say I worry too much about the future, but if I do not worry about the future now, then I will not be prepared then. I feel if I really work myself hard for the next few years, I may actually have a chance at making a wonderful life for myself.

 

And all the while, the clock counts down to the moment I will have to become an adult in so many ways. I am 23 years old, and I finally have the focus I have been lacking for so many years. And if I stay focused, within a couple years I could be self-employed! Every time I think about it, my stomach turns with excitement and fear, like kissing someone for the first time, when everything feels queer inside, like your intestines are wriggling about. 🙂

 

I cannot wait. Here is to self-employment. Cheers.

 

Until next time,

 

Z.

 

 

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