From within, from without.

Anger is a funny thing. It can hit you at any time, any place and for any reason. A woman might be walking down the street and without warning find herself fuming over the something as abstract as fiscal responsibility. A man, happily married for decades can become instantly irate if his wife chooses to do something without him. A daughter can become furious with her mother for no reason other than she is in the same room.

But where does all this anger come from? It seems to me that anger comes from two places, both of them equally difficult to differentiate between in the heat of the moment. First, there is the anger that comes from without – anger that is caused by the actions of someone other than yourself. Examples include anger at men who abuse women, people who vandalize for no reason other than the wish for destruction, anger at a family member for lying to you or hurting you, and anger at the people in power who are corrupt and immoral. This anger can be understood, as we all are born with a sense of right and wrong. However different these concepts might be from one person to the next, we are all born with a moral compass and apply it to our day to day interactions with society. The levels of our anger also vary. Some may feel an incredible indifference to a moral issue such as gun control, whereas others may become completely inflamed at the mere mention of the topic. At the same time, people can use indifference to mask their rage, preferring to block out what they cannot control.

But as hard as anger from without is to control, I believe that the anger that comes from within is even more dangerous and volatile. This anger has nothing to do with anybody but yourself, and it is always easier to identify what makes other people mad than what makes our own selves angry. This anger can come from many places, childhood issues, self esteem problems, a general feeling of helplessness or inadequacy, or many other places that I can’t even begin to understand.

I was angry today. One moment my mother and I are having a discussion, the next I am out the door, in the truck and gone. At first I thought it was because of what we were talking about – the hypocrisy of people preaching about saving the planet when the sheer tonnage of raw materials needed to sustain our current lifestyle is outrageous (I read in Isaac Asimov’s “Book of Facts” [1979, Grosset & Dunlap] that it takes twenty tons of raw materials each year to sustain one person in their modern lifestyle. I can only assume the numbers have shifted since then, and I assume in an upwards direction). Once I had left the house I started thinking that maybe my mother was the reason I was mad – I find her outlook on life to be more or less a complete load of hooey (75% of the books in my mothers library look like they came from a shop that sells tarot cards and mystical pyramids). But that was not the case either. It didn’t take me long to figure out that I was simply angry, and my mother just happened to be in the way. Now, sitting here and trying to figure out what I am angry at, I feel ashamed that I let anything take control of me like that. But I seem to notice more and more anger coming from within these days. Not that the levels of anger are increasing. No it is more that I am starting to realize how much is really there. My belief that I was angry at others because of the way they behave is slowly being replaced by the realization that I am simply pissed off and looking for a way to lash out.

That being said, I feel that some of my anger has justification. My life has been a rollercoaster of emotions lately, and some days I feel like I am holding on with the barest grip. Toss in a big dollop of pregnancy and I spend my days just wishing for it all to be over. Having to live with a woman who drives me mad with her new age rhetoric doesn’t help (There are only so many times I can hear the words enlightenment, compassion or spirituality without wanting to scream. When the three words all come together in one sentence, it feels like my nerves are being rubbed against a grinding disc). Having said that, I also realize that I am probably not helping the situation. I can tell anyone where I think my anger comes from, but the deeper I dig into my emotions, the less I understand them. Am I angry at the boyfriend who kicked me out and the father who never understood me? Am I angry at the high school that made me feel like being different was a sin and a crime? Is it the mother who abandoned me in my early childhood that planted the seeds of wrath? Yes, I think all of these are factors. But I am also not sure that any of them are the direct cause of my anger.

My baby’s father left me recently. He told me I needed to sort my life out before we could live together and raise a baby. As angry and hurt as this made me, I have to admit he was right. But the more I examine my life and the events leading up to today, the less I can pinpoint what it is that I need to fix. So I can only conclude that there is some perspective on my life that I haven’t taken into account yet – that missing piece of the puzzle that would make all of this make sense. Until then, I can only hope to keep realizing where my anger is coming from and keep it tamped down so I am not hurting people who simply have the misfortune of being around me.

Until next time,
Z.

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Life without the internet makes blogging difficult….

Well I live out of town now, with no internet, or power or running water for that matter. It has been an amazing experience; it is definitely not conducive to having an internet blog.

That being said, I have had an epiphany into the future of Canada. It is fairly apparent now that with Obama back in office, civil war is brewing heavily down in the USA. The whole country is divided into two extremes – those who are living by the good graces of the federal government and wish to continue doing so, and those who are paying for the expenses of the federal government and are sick of doing so. Eventually this is going to lead to complete chaos. This civil war is not going to be a North vs. South scenario like the last civil war the States went through. This is going to be fought in every town, city, county, state and region of the country. Neighbours who have been friends for decades will kill each other in blind fanatical rages, and families will be torn apart by these political and philosophical differences. This is unavoidable.

What is also unavoidable is that Canada will be affected. Along the borders that separate southern Canada and the Yukon from the States there will be people fleeing to Canada, more troops posted on the US side of the border, smuggling and crime increases. Canada will be involved whether we want to or not.

Canada is pretty much owned by China. Most of our mining operations are run by the Chinese (speaking from the Yukon, I can assure any readers that this is a fact in the North. As for the rest of the country, I can only assume that the logging, oil and gas industries are the same way). When the war starts to get out of hand, or even before, China – our friendly trading partners are going to offer to send troops up to “assist” us and “protect” us. They will do this for two reasons. Firstly to protect their investments. There will be troop outposts everywhere all of a sudden. Then the second reason will become more and more apparent. They are going to use the fact that there is already quite a large Asian population living in Canada to mold our national ideologues in the Chinese image. Essentially, I believe Canada will go from being subject to British rule to Chinese rule.

This is unavoidable. And it scares me. My sister and I were discussing this last night. She agrees that this is a likely future for us, but disagrees on the timeline. I believe this will happen increasingly rapidly, taking place in the next 10-15 years. Claire believes it will take at least 50 years to get to that point. I hope she is right, but I wish we were both wrong.

Until next time,

 

Z.

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Ann Coulter – September 19, 2012 – ELITIST, OUT-OF-TOUCH MEDIA COMPLAIN ROMNEY NOT REGULAR GUY

Ann Coulter – September 19, 2012 – ELITIST, OUT-OF-TOUCH MEDIA COMPLAIN ROMNEY NOT REGULAR GUY.

 

“At a private gathering, Romney told donors that Obama had a lock on the 47 percent of voters “who pay no income tax” and “believe the government has a responsibility to care for them.” This was deeply offensive to people who pay no income tax and believe the government has a responsibility to care for them.

But no matter how much the media belch out the usual cliches — out of touch, insensitive, racist, not one of us, Thurston Howell, etc. etc. — all most people heard was: FORTY-SEVEN PERCENT OF AMERICANS PAY NO INCOME TAX?”

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Princess Sacha Baron Skywalker

I am watching Sweeney Todd with my little brother, and I just couldn’t resist making this photo!Image

 

Enjoy!

 

Z.

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OBAMA’S PUBLIC SECTOR FULL EMPLOYMENT PLAN – Ann Coulter

The reason the media does not want to discuss Romney’s alternative to Obama is because the media knows that if people are given real options, they will act accordingly. Look what happened in Wisconsin. Union memberships dropped from 60,000 to 28,000 the moment union dues became voluntary rather than compulsory.

 

Z.

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June 15, 2012 · 4:09 am

Rainy days with the Legend of the Seeker

It is very wet outside today. All the trees are still, laden down with little droplets. There is still a drizzle coming down, and it is expected to do so for the rest of the night. The breeze coming through my window smells like earth and rain and life. All the colors are muted but somehow more vibrant and jewel-like.

The robin’s eggs in my yard hatched either yesterday or today. I crept up on the roof to see them today, and there they were, little wriggling things, pink with a light growth of grey fuzz. No sounds yet, but I expect to hear tiny cheep cheeps soon enough. There are no cats in my neighborhood (foxes and coyotes), so I do not feel the urge to do patrols with an airsoft gun. I am pretty sure Momma Robin sees me as the biggest danger to her babies anyways; every time I walk by and look up she is glaring at me. I would not wanna mess with her 😀

I am rereading the Legend of Seeker series by Terry Goodkind. This read through, I am really beginning to pick up a lot more. I love the way Goodkind writes. He has such an amazing vocabulary and sense of detail.

Until next time,

Z.

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The end of Charest?

I believe that due to the whole debacle in Montreal, Charest has no chance for re-election from either side of the strike. On the one hand, we have a group of “students” (whose vocation seems to be violence and destruction) who are dissatisfied with Charest’s “negotiations”. And on the other hand are the rest of the Quebec population, watching this man mangle the education system and completely fail to control the peace in his province.

 

If I was livig in Quebec right now, whether the strikes resolve peacefully or not, Charest has shown a complete ineptitude for the job he has been tasked with. If he is re-elected, I will be very very surprised.

 

And on a final note, I am still all for Quebec separating and removing itself from the teats of Canada. We have supported the madness for far too long.

 

Until next time,

 

Z.

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